|
[30 Apr 2004|12:16am] |
|
Seeing as how Im bored out of my mind...
I have a new LiveJournal I made...
So instead of this one...
I'll be using...
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) dontsayforever_
...Add me to your friends lists.
|
|
|
[29 Apr 2004|10:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 restless |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Linkin Park - Pushing me away |
] |
When I look into your eyes
theres nothing there to see
nothing but my own mistake
staring back at me.
|
|
|
[29 Apr 2004|04:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Straylight Run - Its for the best |
] |
...So what matters more, being happy ? or making other people happy ? I put myself last no matter what I try to keep everyone else happy. Carmen said I should do that but if im not doing that then what do I do? "make myself happy" Uhm...sorry. I'd rather not its so fucking stupid. "Make me happy" Im perfectly fine being the way I am...giving my full effort to other people and getting nothing in return...FUCK YEAH...Its what I do. I feel like im going to throw up, and die, and fall off a cliff. Matt (Nicoles brother) told me Nicole said she'd call me when she gets out of lock-up.I dont want things to be the same. She needs to change or I cant do this anymore. No matter how much it hurts, she cant keep doing this to me. I cant believe this shit. I either want her to change or Im going to have to move on I cant keep going back to this. I mean I love her and sometimes thats the problem...I can be so forgiving and just put up with shit because I just want to be with her and make things happy, but Im not happy and it probably wont be happy again. Things havent changed. She didnt even talk to me for like 4 days before she even went to lock-up. So what the fuck is going to make things different now? The fact that she's out of lock-up ? I doubt it. I've been so unhappy lately...but why do I really miss her? She doesnt call me. She does drugs. She's fucking up her life. It hurts me to sit here and know I cant do shit to help her because she doesnt even listen to me. And even if she did, what would I say ? Should I tell her not to do drugs, or tell her things I dont like about her ? What would that do ? We've been through all this shit already. Except the lock-up part. She didn't learn her lesson last time so whats so different this time. I mean I wont deny my feelings ; I fucking love her. She makes me feel like no one else. I dont want to lose that again but seriously I cant go through this. Im depressed. I never thought I'd get like this, but I did. I dont care about anything anymore. Here's a quote from my real journal..."Im afraid to call so I'll wait until forever" - - - Talking about Nicole not calling me. Fuck that. If she doesnt want to put it the same effort as im willing to then FUCK HER!!! I know I feel like I NEED her and shit, but guess what...I dont want to be dependent on someone who wont be the same way back. Yeah I dont know. Theres nothing I can do about it. I love her for her but guess what...the drugs dont define the person. So she needs to stop that BULLSHIT! I could go for something to alter my state of mind though, how about some <3 Malibu <3 That sounds good. I wanna get wickked drunk off my ass so I dont care about anything, and I dont think about stupid SHIT. Oh well Fuck it.And MOST of all...FUCK HER
I've become content with
this life that i lead
where i drink to much and
don't believe in much of anything
and i lie to myself
and say "it's for the best."
we're moving forward
but holding ourselves back
and we're waiting on
something that will NEVER come
|
|
| April 27, 2004 |
[27 Apr 2004|09:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Strata - Piece by Piece |
] |
I was so happy today...I went to Wal*Mart with my mom and we got outside into the parking lot after shopping and I looked up at the sky and it was all dark and cloudy exept for one little hole in the clouds where the sun was streaming through, it was so beautiful. I stopped and got wicked happy...THEN my mom took out the camera and took a picture of it. Things like that really make me happy. Like sunrises. Beautiful things in the sky make me happy. I cant wait to see if the picture actually comes out. As for my life I wish I could find that little bit of sun bursting through my clouds. Today was nothing exciting at all. I slept 1, 2 and 4 period. It was great. Then after school Me, Ileana and Jenna went to the plaza and gave Pizza Hut and *cough cough* Shaws...our applications. Pizza Hut made us take a 20 minute little test thing, that made me happy...MAYBE THEY'LL HIRE ME !!! I hope. Then we went to *cough cough* Shaws...and just like every other time I applied for there the girl took the application and didnt say anything. Fuck Shaws, they wont hire me anyways because they are CUNTS. But just for shits and giggles of course I applied. Then I filled out my application for CVS...but I want Melissa to give it to the manager, maybe if I give it to her seeing as how she works there and all...I'll get the job. I bought 2 new "pants for work" today. They are...TIGHT !!! ICK !!! I think they are sorta ugly, but they arent TOO tight. They are okay I guess. I might be able to live. I just need a job, I dont care what I have to wear. I need money. Not just money from my dad and shit on Sundays, I want to be saving money. I was talking to Tina in Auto...and she has me thinking...about...joining the military. I dont know, it sounds smart. I need to check it out more though, and I cant sign up until Im 17 anyways...I wouldnt until im totally out of High School either way. But if they'll pay for your college education, and pay you for being in the army...how bad could it be? I can go through basic...and get paid. Sounds interesting. My mom doesnt want me to because she doesnt want me to go off to Iraq and die somewhere. Its just a thought though. I dont know. I want to make something of myself, I dont really just want to go to college and then get a job...and the military sounds pretty exciting. Anyways...back to now...I really need a job now. And I dont care where it is either :0). OMG OMG OMG...My aunt that lives in Iowa is coming here this Friday, and we're going out to dinner its supposed to be a surprise but my uncle told my mom. I cant believe it, its been two years since I've seen her. I miss her so much. She used to be there for me everyday, now I never talk to her. I miss her </3
|
|
| April 26, 2004 |
[26 Apr 2004|10:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Straylight Run - For the best |
] |
I've become content with
this life that i lead
where i drink to much and
don't believe in much of anything
and i lie to myself
and say "it's for the best."
we're moving forward,
but holding ourselves back
and we're waiting on
something that will never come
Courtney ~ You have the best taste in music. <3
|
|
|
[25 Apr 2004|01:04am] |
|
Im grounded.
|
|
|
[24 Apr 2004|04:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Britney Spears - Everytime |
] |
Just tell Nemo you couldnt find him
because you were too busy getting high
...he'll understand.
Nemo .:. My Anti-Drug
|
|
| April 23, 2004 |
[23 Apr 2004|01:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 artistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Dj Babyboi - Smile has left your eyes |
] |
What should I do? I need some help here people. Okay heres how things are...Nicole is in lock up, what do I do about this? I havent even talked to her since she's been in there. She hasnt written me a letter or anything. So heres my options...1.)Wait for her, even though Im not sure whats going to happen when she gets out. 2.) Move on, go out with someone else. 3.) Just live, I dont know really...not really have a "choice" just go with the flow kinda thing. - - - What I've been doing is going with the flow, but I dont know what to DO, I need advice ! I dont know. I slept over Nick-a-lockin's house the last 3 nights, thats my new home everyone !!! :0) I love her house. Shes grounded though, bad Nicole she didnt call her mom when she was out, and she cut her hair into a mohawk...it looks REALLY good. I love it. But yeah...I dont know what to say. I mean of course I have all these thoughts and shit. I mean what happens if I go out with someone else and Nicole gets out of lock-up...and is all like "I love you" and such. I dont know. Im so confused, I hate feeling this way. Yuup. I dont know what to say.
Dj Babyboi rocks my world.
Im listening to that right now. Its good stuff. Techno is the bestest ever. It makes me happy like whoa. Alrighty well im running out of things to say...So I'll end it here.
|
|
|
[23 Apr 2004|01:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Dj Babyboi - You make me feel like loving you |
] |
Look I dyed my hair.
I <3 this picture.
Good times.
|
|
| April 20, 2004 |
[20 Apr 2004|06:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nothing |
] |
Its just pixie sticks Mom...
Dont worry, we got it all under control.
|
|
|
[19 Apr 2004|06:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nothing |
] |
Im sleeping over Nick-a-lockin's house tonight, tomorrow night, and possibly Wednesday night. Whoot Whoot. That rocks my socks.
p.s- Does everyone LOVE my new icon? I do.
|
|
| April 18, 2004 |
[18 Apr 2004|09:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 devious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Monica - Angel of mine |
] |
Im waiting for Bryan to get out of work and come and get me. If he doesnt come soon my moms going to say no again, arrrrgggg. She said "I cant go out past 9"...BULLSHIT. I left after 10 one night and came home before 1. She was FINE with that now all of the sudden I cant go out past 9. I dont know. I'll never understand the parenting view of things like that. I'd be like "Okay have fun, be back at like 2-3, and dont die...k ?". Yup. It was so nice out today. My plan for tomorrow ; lay on the hammock and fall asleep all day, while getting tan. People said its supposed to be like 80 tomorrow. That rocks. I hope it is. I need to wake up sorta early then, so I can catch a good day of sun. That sounds like a good deal. I want to clean the pool too, maybe I'll start tomorrow if its nice enough out. Tomorrow Im supposed to hang out with Ileana and such. I have to call her...yeah. Grr its 9:11. Bryan better get his ass out of work, in his car, and on his phone to me. Yup. Im getting restless. Im listening to *Angel of mine*. Aww. Good song. It makes me want to cry. ::: EMO MOMENT ::: *I look at you looking at me now I know why they say the best things are free*. Anyways...I'm going to sit here waiting...:0) I'll update more whenever.
|
|
| April 18, 2004 |
[18 Apr 2004|08:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nothing |
] |
|
|
| April 15, 2004 |
[15 Apr 2004|06:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ILL NINO - Numb |
] |
Dying to touch you
I need you I love you
to make me to mold me
to break me again
I can't deny that
I'm hurting inside as
I'm pulling you close
you push me away
|
|
| Apirl 14, 2004 |
[14 Apr 2004|09:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
40 Below Summer - Awakening |
] |
I skipped auto and went to the library with Thuy. We talked about things. Yup. Anyways. I dont know. Tomorrow we're watching *Girl Interupted* in English class. The on Friday we're finishing it and we're getting pizza, which was MY idea. Im a smart cookie. Today was fun after school me and Ileana walked home to my house, and Melissa and Sean we're there. Then after a while of us just hanging out Amber came over, and then Bryan came and we drove around then he got a flat tire. So we went to Dunkin Donuts and hung out there for a while. Then his sister came with a new tire and such, then we were back on the road. We went to BIG Y and got stuff. Then I had to come home...and here I am. Theres not much to say except I found out something today...
Nicole Obert is in lock-up.
For like 4 months.
Isnt that fantastic ?
I find out 5 days later.
Whatever.
Fuck it.
|
|
|
[13 Apr 2004|09:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 moody |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nothing |
] |
Who's coming with me?
I really do want to leave.
•
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say,
Your better off that way
I'm better off alone anyway.
You
still
have
all
of
me
|
|
|
[12 Apr 2004|08:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ILL NINO - All the right words |
] |
Was there something that I missed?
Well it's not this
All you say is that I'm playing games
But if I stay, I'll just go crazy
Throw away the promise that you made
And understand
I just want to touch you
I just want to fuck you
Can I lie to you?
Like you want me to
I'll say that I'm in love with you
|
|
|
[12 Apr 2004|08:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
moody |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Lostprophets - Last Train Home |
] |
But your taste still lingers on my lips
like I just placed them upon yours
and I waste away, I waste away for you.
|
|
|
[11 Apr 2004|05:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Linkin Park - My December |
] |
This
is
me
pretending
this
is
all
I
need.
|
|
| April 11, 2004 |
[11 Apr 2004|02:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 good |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ILL NINO - When it cuts |
] |
I didnt change.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
